==coddle==
requires: 1 very large pot, 1 kettle

===ingredients===
*750g floury potatoes, peeled and sliced into layers
*750g butcher's best traditional pork sausages, separated and halved
*500g onions, peeled and sliced into layers
*500g butcher's thin-sliced fatty back bacon (rashers!), quartered
*very, very liberal amounts of freshly ground black pepper

===method===
*parboil the potatoes until semi-soft
*drain and cut into slices
*slice sausage, onion, and rashers
*arrange everything in layers
*lots of black pepper per layer
<br />
*add enough boiling water to cover 1/3 to 1/2 of the contents of the pot
*cook on a medium low heat for a while with the lid on the pot
*you are aiming to semi-steam the dish
*the ingredients should be about 1/3 to 1/2 submerged in stock at all times
*add more boiling water to keep it that way.
<br />
*when the fat on the bacon is sort of melding with the stock, it's done.
===comments===
coddle is traditionally a food associated with poor people in ireland... trying to use up the last of the pig on a thursday cos eating meat was forbidden on friday. but if you do coddle with good ingredients, it. is. amazing. real simple too.

==kaini's pasta a la autechre==
cheaters pasta in honour of my favourite sad broken robots
===ingredients===
*1 1l carton fresh chicken soup (avonmore or the like)
*1 carton button mushrooms
*8 thin rasher slices of bacon (a continental dry-cure bacon, or better again some pancetta is ideal)
*a chunk o blue cheese (optional, i like a good hunk o roquefort)
*1 onion. 1 garlic, 1 green pepper
*frrrresh pasta. fresher the better (really. fresh pasta makes this)
*olive oil, black pepper, oregano
===method===
*boil loads of water. add salt. keep it simmering
*roughly chop the bacon, pepper, onion, and garlic

*in a pan fry the onion and garlic
*-then add in the bacon and fry til crispy. then remove it and chop it into strips.
*--meanwhile add the mushroom and green pepper
*---season liberally with oregano and black pepper
*when the mushrooms are browned stick the pasta in to the boiling water and bring to the boil then simmer for sixish minutes (fresh) or elevenish (dry). al dente ftw. and meanwhile re-add the bacon to the pan, add the soup to the bacon etc mix and crumble in the blue cheese if you're using it.
*drain the pasta. toss with olive oil. mix it with the saucy stuff. 
*eat it.

==lexy's classic carbonara==
===ingredients===
*fried bacon & onions, little garlic,
*white wine reduced,
*cream reduced till it's thick,
*salt&pepper,
*and a raw egg which you mix through the sauce and the pasta right after you drain it so it cooks,
*serve it with bit of parmasan if you want,
===method===
keep it simple folks, you've got 5 different tastes in the original already

==tigs' banger and mash with onion marmalade==
Bangers and Mash with Onion Marmalade (serves two)
===ingredients===
*8 Good quality sausages ( from good butcher or if shop bought, go for M&S)
*Enough spuds for 2
*2 Red Onions
*3 Tablespoons Balsamic vinegar
*1 Tablespoon Brown Sugar
*150ml Veg stock
*1 tsp Mustard powder (optional but it gives the marmalade a bit of umph)
*Fresh ground Salt and pepper
*butter

===method===
First, halve the red onions, slice and put in a small saucepan with a knob of butter at a low heat and soften for ten minutes. Don't allow them to cook, just soften.
When softened, add the balsamic, brown sugar, stock, mustard and season with salt and pepper, stir up well and leave to simmer with the lid off for 40 minutes..... after which time it will have reduced to a marmaladey type texture.
In the mean time, grill the sausages and make the mash to be ready for eating once the onions are ready.

Big lump of mash on each plate, four sausages each and generous helpings of the onion goo on top.

==derek d meatball==
===ingredients===
*1 pound of mince
*50grm breadcrumbs
*one large or 2 small onions
*1tbs tasasco sauce
*some choped chili's (optional)
*3tbs worchester sauce
*1tbl curry powder
*I jar of pasta sauce or can on choped tommatos whicher you prefer
*half block of mozzerella chezze

===method===
Heat the oven to 200
Dice the onions up quite fine fry them until golden
add half of them to a mixing boal and put half asside
in the mixing bowl mix the oxions mince and breadcrums adding the tabasco,worchester,curry,chils. Roll into balls about 1.5 inces in diameter
brown balls in hot pan for a minute then add to overproff dish
put in oven for 20 mins
take out add pasta sauce and remianing onions
put in for 20 mins
take about
add large slices of mozzerealla over the meatballs
put in for five minutes

enjoy with some nice crusty bread 

==de's lambburgers==
===ingredients===
*A pound minced lamb
*fistful fresh coriander, chopped
*1 tablespoon All Spice
*0.5 tablespoon cinnamon
*1 egg
*some breadcrumbs
===method===
Mix together, shape into burgers, cook and eat. 

==kaini's blackpuddinburgers==
===ingredients===
*minced beef steak
*breadcrumbs
*an egg
*a big mild chilli
*an onion
*a decent chunk of black pudding
*a clove of garlic
*oregano, basil, and black pepper

===method===
blend all ingredients. up to you if you want a fine dice or a coarse one. form into burger shapes. dust with flour if they're a bit gooey. fry like the wind

==LRRH's roast veg and spicy cous cous==
Into a baking tray lob your fave veg (chopped into large chunks) - try peppers, auberginees, courgette, onion, maybe butternut squash if you fancy. Splash these with a little olive oil and add a few whole cloves of garlic & some salt & pepper.

While these are roasting in a fairly hot oven (until tender and slightly charred at the edges) make the cous cous.

In a pot soften a medium sized v. finely chopped red onion & 3 minced/chopped cloves garlic & 1/2 chopped chilli in plenty of butter (be genrous with the butter). After they've become totally translucent add a heaped teasp each of ground corriander, cumin, paprika, salt and some chilli powder if you think your chilli wont give enough kick (test this by licking your finger after you've chopped it - it'll be a good indication of the heat.)

Allow the spices to cook a little in the butter, about 3 mins (adding more if they stick). Add a splosh of red wine vinegar (about 2 -3 tablespoons) or jiuce of half a lemon if you've got no R.W. vinegar and 2 teasps sugar to the spice/oinion mixture. Allow the whole thing to cook for another 3 - 5 mins - it will be all nice n sticky and reduced. 

Then add dry cous cous and stir it through so it;s all coated with the yumminess. (I use about a mug & half of cous cous). make sure to measure it though as you need to then pour over an equal amount of boiling water. Once you've added the water. Turn off the heat and cover the pot with a tight fitting lid. Leave the cous cous alone (dont remove lid) for 10 - 15 mins.

Chop lots of fresh corriander. Open the pot and 'fork' the cous cous to break it up and get it seperated - add a generous few knobs of butter & the corriander. Serve with the roast veg on top and a side salad. DELISH & very easy.

==de's cornflake chicken==
===ingredients===
*as many chicken breasts as you'll need
*cornflakes
*1 egg, beaten
===other things needed===
*Plastic bag
*rolling pin
*cling film
===method===
cover the chicken breasts with cling film and bash with the rolling pin until about 5mm in thickness
Crush the cornflakes in the plastic bag
Dip the bashed chicken breasts (schnitzels) in the egg, and then in the crushed cornflakes
Grill until chicken is done
====de's other variation====
*replace crushed cornflakes with a mixture of breadcrumbs and grated parmesan 
====lexy's variation====
*finish frying your schnitzels and put them on a oven tray with some pizza tomato base sauce, ham and mozzarella on top of each one and into the oven
====kaini's variation====
*i used a mix of breadcrumb (freeze stale brown bread then grate for a winning breadcrumb), mashed weetabix, and whole black peppercorns, dry-fried on a very high heat til they popped, then crushed as a coating. it was great.

==kaini's chicken hoi sin==
chop chicken breasts into small bits, roll in cornflower, cook in the wok until golden on the outside. remove from the wok

with the oil still hot, add an onion, and a red pepper, some grated ginger, a drained tin of baby corn on the cob, and a cucumber chopped into thumb-sized chunks, in that order. fry til the onion is a light golden colour.

add two tablespoons of honey and a dash of soy sauce, and coat the veg in it, and fry for another bit.

then add a jar of hoi sin sauce. readd the chicken and simmer for a bit.

serve with fried rice from the chinese (which is what i usually do) or boil in the bag rice

==elmo's salmon with pesto, salad, and parmesan==
===ingredients===
*400g dried pasta (tagliatelle, spaghetti)
*4 salmon darnes
*1/2 tablespoon olive oil
*2 tablespoon pesto
*4 handfuls rocket
*freshly grated parmesan (if you don't have a grater use a vegetable slicer, if neither just cut it up really small)
===method===
Cook pasta. Meanwhile, heat oil in the pan and cook salmon over a medium heat until cooked (about 8-10 minutes). Drain pasta and return to pan with a small bit more oil and the pesto. Add the rocket and stir through the pasta. Divide it between warmed plates and place the salmon on top. Then sprinkle with the cheese and eat 

==kaini's parma ham and blue cheese canneloni==
i have only made this once off the top of me head based on what was in the fridge with minimal-a$s purchases, but it turned out really really nice. it's a bit complicated but worth it

serves two, maybe three as a starter

===ingredients===
'''canneloni'''
*a dash of good olive oil
*6 sheets of lasagne pasta
*400g of blue cheese (i used bleu d'auvergne)
*6 slices of parma ham (the thinner the better)
*3 cloves of finely diced garlic
*a finely diced shallot
*a couple of fairly well chopped black olives
*black pepper, chives

'''sauce'''
i use a jar of standard pasta sauce; i like the paul newmans one with chilli. if you want a better one... i suppose a glass of red wine in the dish never hurt anyone

===method===
crumble up the cheese, the olives, the garlic and the shallot, and the olive oil into a bowl. the ratio is entirely up to you, go nuts! think the quantity you'd spread on slice of bread for each cannelone.

meanwhile get lots of salted water boiling, stick the pasta in and get it al dente , observing the usual sh!t to keep em from sticking to each other. when you remove the sheets, rinse em in cold water, and layer in the bottom of a casserole dish brushed with olive oil.

now, the magic. layer a slice of parma ham on each lasagne sheet, spread the lovely blue cheese mix over nice and thick, season with chives and black pepper, and roll the whole lot up into a cylinder. keep going until all your stuff is used up, arranging the canneloni tetris style. then cover it with the sauce, cover the casserole dish, and bake in a low oven (gas 3-4) for 45 minutes.

==lexy's leet calzone==
you can make your own calzone pizza with tortilla wraps, that's an easy one actually


just get one soft wrap out, put some egg wash around the border, and fill it with whatever you want before folding it over

I personally like the mozzarella/gruyere/salami/ham/artichoke hearts & red peppers combo

get a teflon frying pan with a drop of olive oil and place the package till the tortilla is crisp on that side, then you turn it around and do the same

put it on an oven tray and in the oven till it's all hot and the cheeses melted

then you pour some bolognese sc over it and munch away

totally leet lazy

==kaini's barbecue basis==
rapid barbecue tack:

===thai green curry shish kebabs===
do this the night before the barbie;
chop a bunch of chicken breasts (one breast does 2 or 3 skewers) into rough cubes. mix: 3 tbsps of thai green curry paste with 1 teaspoon of fish sauce and one teaspoon of sugar, per chicken breast. mix it up goodo and add a dash of vinegar. - pour it on a plate and feck the chopped up chicken in it, and roll it around good to get it all coated. wrap the lot tight in clingfilm and leave overnight in the fridge.

===the day of teh barbie===
skewer the marinated chunks o chicken with bits o pineapple, red and green pepper, onion, and mushroom depending on taste. serve with sweet chili sauce (essential)

===excellent potato salad===
get about a kilo of small new potatoes. wash but don't peel em. ideally rub em a little to get the skin a bit ragged in places.
boil sh!t out of em til say 80% done. drain completely, sprinkle generously with sea salt and cover to steam; the salt will draw moisture from the spuds.
meanwhile chop a decent bunch of shallots, about four cloves of garlic, and a small onion finely. get a (half/full) jar of mayo (to taste), a good chunk of butter, and a 200ml of milk/cream/sour cream/natural yoghurt. your choice. mash it up good, skins and all! go nuts but try and keep some consistency in the skins.
season heavily with black pepper, and leave to cool.

===spicy fucking black pudding burgers===
makes 8:
*1 1/2lb minced beef steak
*100g breadcrumbs, stale bread ideally.
*an egg, maybe two if they're small
*a big mild chilli, deseeded, roughly chopped
*an onion, roughly chopped
*1/2 to 1/3 of a black pudding
*a clove or two of garlic.
*oregano, basil, and black pepper (i use lots of pepper)

blend the sh!t out of all ingredients in blender (or chop finely and mix in a bowl). form into burger shapes. fry like the wind!

===combine with===
combine with a few sossies and condiments, maybe two disposable barbies at three quid a pop from tesco, some beer, and you're onto a winner.

==de's delicious grilled salmon==
Very easy; marinade the salmon in 2 parts olive oil to 1 part balsamic vinegar with fresh coriandar and garlic for 15 minutes a side, then grill, using the marinade to baste.

I like to have it flaked in a nice salad of spinach, baby gem and cherry tomatoes.

==LRRH's tortilla stack==
Put a flour tortilla into a dry frying pan on a medium heat. top the tortilla with a little spread of sundried tomato pesto/pesto/tomato based pasta sauce & cheese (cheddar/mozarella/edam or whatever you fancy), onions, rocket, ham, tomatoes, peppers - the jist here is anything you have to hand/in the fridge. 

When you see cheese starting to melt and bottom tortilla goin light golden/crispy - Top the whole thing with another flour tortilla and flip the whole thing over and warm the new tortilla which is now on the bottom. SO basically its kinda like a warmed torilla sandwich.

Heres the beauty of this one - if this is just for you - serve and enjoy. If you have a mate around make another layer - just continue by adding more goodies cheese, tom. sauce etc to the now golden tortilla top in the pan. If you've two mates around add another layer - this works for at least 3/4 layers depending how much filling your're adding. Experiment and enjoy...mmmm

==de's don't fuck with me lasagne==
Right. Brown mince. I generally add an oxo cube and a good pour of Worchestershire Sauce. No, a bigger pour than that. That'll do. Right so mince, oxo and Worchestershire. Add a tin of chopped tomatoes with herbs, or chop some tomatoes and put in thyme, rosemary, basil, or Italian Herb seasoning will work just as well, ad a good dollop of tomato puree. This is your meat.

For the cheesy sauce make a roux of 1 tbsp butter, melted in a saucepan, and 1 tbsp flour. Blend these together and cook unti it's light peanut coloured, then add milk, about 8 floz (one american cup), slowly-incorporating it into the roux. Then simmer, stirring constantly until it's the desired thickness. If you want more add more milk, then add whatever the hell cheese you want.

For the lasange, mix 100g of flour (pedants use pasta flour, I find that all purpose flour is sufficient) with one egg. Keep mixing until it forms a dough. If the dough is too wet add more flour, if it's too dry a little water wont' hurt it. When it's a good dough roll it out very thinly and cut to size. A pasta machine is best for the rolling, but you can do it yourself on a well floured surface, just remember that it'll get very big as you roll it out.

I like to add baby corn, mange tout and carrots to the mince, but it's not necessary.

Layer mince, pasta, cheese until you run out of stuff. Top with cheese and bake for about 30 minutes. In my opinion the best lasanges don't skimp on the sauces. You need something to mop up with your crusty bread.

==chili con kaini==
serves 4

===ingredients===
*750g lean minced beef from a butcher, not f*cking tesco.
*1 to 3 chilis* depending on how hot you want it
*one large or two small onions
*1 red pepper, 1 green pepper
*1 large tin red kidney beans
*1 small tin sweetcorn
*1 tin refried beans (tesco has them)
*a bunch o mushrooms
*a big f*ck of garlic
*100g of decent dark chocolate, 70% cocoa or more (i use green&blacks)
*1 jar italian arrabiata sauce (it's mushed tomatoes and chili)
*a well good dash of worcestershire sauce.
*oregano
*2 basil leaves

===method===
*in a big ol pot, get some oil hot, and fry the meat til a little brown
*drain most of the fat
*add the onions, finely chopped, fry til approaching golden
*add the peppers, garlic, and chili, finely chopped and deseeded where applicable. mind your eyes. 
*fry til approaching tender
*add the mushrooms, fry til approaching brown.
*add a fat dash of worcestershire sauce and oregano and fry until it smells fantastic.
*add the arrabiata sauce and then the basil leaves
*drain the kidney beans and add them
*add the refried beans
*break up the chocolate and bring to the boil slowly, stirring constantly
*after the chocolate has melted, simmer for about fifteen minutes
*the longer you leave this dish stand, the nicer i think it is. in fact it's superb the day after
*remove the basil before serving.

serve with boiled rice or soft burritos or whatevers.

a note about chilis: the big mild ones from supermarkets are nice in this, but lately i like one or two of the intensely hot mouseshit thai chilis sliced REALLY finely, and maybe a small dash of tabasco. the sort of chili you use is up to you.

==kaini's buckfast risotto==
buckfast risotto

no. come back. i've cooked this twice (the second time tonight, and it worked better again than the first). it's delicious, adapted from a traditional italian recipe that did not feature buckfast.

===ingredients===
* 500 g risotto rice
* 150 g unsalted butter
* 1 finely chopped onion
* 1 finely chopped sweet pepper (deseeded)
* a big f*ck of garlic
* a big f*ck of black pepper
* 3/4 litre of chicken stock (oxo, whatevs) on standby; you may not use all of it
* half a bottle of buckfast
* a decent dash of soy sauce
* 100 g of freshly grated parmigiano or grana padano or another hard italian cheese

===method===
*heat half the butter in a pot, add the rice, and cook over a very low flame, stirring it to stop it sticking/burning. there's a knack to it. 
*in the meantime, fry the onion, garlic, and sweet pepper separately, in about a third of the remaining butter until the onion is golden.
*keep the pan warm.

*when the rice is done frying and the grains have become translucent, begin adding the buckfast, a glass at a time, and letting it evaporate between additions.

*then add stock, a ladle at a time, and stir in the onions/garlic/pepper.
*once the rice is on the very verge of soft, turn off the heat, stir in the remaining butter, the cheese, season with a fuck of black pepper, a good ol dash of soy, and serve.

*it works well nice with a good salad and a roast chicken i tell thee
*i would imagine roast whole peppers stuffed with it as good too.

==kaini's colcannon(aka ultimate mashed potato)==

chop, VERY FINELY, one small onion, a couple of cloves of garlic to taste, (optionally a generous handful of green cabbage), and enough shallots to make up a decent mugful all together. remember it's the tips of shallots have the flava, not the roots.

get a good floury variety of spud, about ten decent specimens, and boil the bastards til soft but not mush. drain. sprinkle with salt and roll around in the pot. this will absorb the moisture and get em good and starchy. leave em there to get proper dry.

add 1 tablespoon real butter. 300ml cream, yer onions, garlic and cabbage, and an egg white.

MASH LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! like your life depended on it. you have to prevent the eggwhite from scrambling you see.

when it gets all lush serve it with sausages or pork chops or something comforting. then eat it. it's really good with a nice red wine gravy.

==tauboo's cottage pie==
===ingredients===
*500g, or there abouts, beef mince (or half beef/half pork)
*2 medium onions/1 large
*2 or 3 cloves of garlic
*1 tbsp tomato puree
*1 tbsp paprika powder
*1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
*1 can plum tomatoes (drain the liquid)
*bay leaf (optional)
*3 carrots, or any vegetable
*3 sweet potatoes
*4 medium potatoes
*extra virgin olive oil
*1 egg yolk
*knob of butter
*grated mature cheddar
*fresh thyme
===method===
fry chopped onions in normal olive oil until softened
add the carrots (cut into short strips), fry for couple of minutes
crush the garlic, then chop, add to pan
followed by the mince, fry for a few minutes
now add the chopped tomatoes, tomato puree (optional), paprika powder, worcester sauce, bay leaf, 2 or 3 sprigs of thyme, season with lots of black pepper. stir, then cover and simmer for around 30 minutes. the sauce shouldn't be too liquidy when done. you can add a chicken stock cube or gravy granules or whatever, if you want

boil the all the potatoes then mash them. add the egg yolk, butter, and some extra virgin olive oil. season (not too much). mash and stir.

pour the sauce into an over dish. put the mash on (make sure you did this whilst it's still hot, otherwise you'll have to re-mash it with milk or water), make some holes to prevent the sauce boiling up at the sides. add some grated cheddar, black pepper, bit of sea salt, thyme leaves, and some e.v.o.o. you can put some paprika powder on if you like.

put in preheated oven at 180-200 for like 30 minutes

this is also good as a vegetarian dish, with aubergines, courgettes, red peppers, mushrooms, haricot vert... i usually add lemon and parsley when i make it like that, the flesh of roasted aubergine can be used in the mash

==T35513R's 4UTH3NT1C chicken stir fry with jook==
===Ingredients===
* 1 Whole Chicken
* Soy Sauce
* Garlic
* Olive Oil
* Salt and Pepper
* Vegetables as you like
* Rice
===Utensils===
* Large Pot with Lid
* Wok
* Spatula
* Knife
===method===
Take a large pot and fill about 1/4-1/2 up with water. Bring to a boil and place entire chicken inside. Turn to medium-high heat and cover. Water shouldn't necessarily cover the entire chicken, but should still be about half to 3/4 submerged. Heat should be kept at simmer/boil.

Boil chicken for about 1/2 hour. It's done when the meat begins to separate from the bones easily.

While the chicken is cooking, chop as much garlic as you like (I use a LOT so like maybe 3 or 4 cloves). Chop up vegetables in preparation for stir-fry.

Once chicken has cooked completely, remove from pot and remove meat but leave the carcass intact with some meat still left on it. Pour out the water from the pot and replace carcass in the pot.

Chop up meat into long strips and put to the side.

Put a couple of tablespoons of oil and a couple of dashes of soy sauce in the wok. Add garlic and any spices. If you want the taste to be more garlicky, put on low heat for a while. If you want the garlic to be friend then wait until you turn up the heat to add the garlic.

Turn heat all the way up so the burner is RED HOT. You can keep the wok on here or take it off and put it one once the burner is ready. I like to do a low heat on the garlic and spices, turn up the burner and remove the wok, and then replace when very hot.

Add meat, vegetables and stir fry, moving the food continuously. Depending the on the vegetables and how quickly they cook you can cook them first with the meat later (since the meat is essentially cooked from boiling). Alternatively, if you feel the vegetables aren't well cook enough, you can put about a few teaspoons of water in the wok, reduce the heat, and simmer while covered (effectively steaming the vegetables).

Remove from heat and serve.

====JOOK====
Aren't we asians the thrifty type?

So, you replaced the carcass into the large pot with meat still on it. No matter how great you are with a knife, it's always almost impossible to get all the meat off the bones. This way, you'll get another two-thousand meals outta your chicken.
Pour rice into the pot, and water, cover and simmer on a low-medium heat. You want the water and rice mixture to cover a fair amount of the chicken. It will take some time to find the right balance, but it's pretty easy after the first time and it's hard to REALLY fuck this up.

After a long simmer the meat will begin to separate completely from the bones. It will basically just fall off and then all you need to do is remove the bones and throw them away. Add some soy sauce to this mixture while cooking and I like some before eating.

What you've got is Jook, which is a great rainy day, warm, filling meal. You can keep the pot with the chicken meat/rice mixture in the refrigerator and keep on reheating almost indefinitely.

==kaini's lush guinness gravy==
*a simple gravy for fried stuff. should be good meat like steaks, chops, or good homemade burgers,
*fry your stuff (maybe add some water at some point to make a very small amount of stock and broil the food a small bit)
*remove your stuff
*add a finely chopped onion, a couple cloves of garlic, season with salt and pepper, and fry til gold
*you could add some button mushrooms too
*deglaze the pan with a half-pint of guinness. the pan should be medium hot, you should see some bubbling. add 300ml cream.
*at this point a chef would make a roux. i just make a mug of oxtail soup and add it in. stir well, simmer, pour over whatever it was you were cooking in the first place.
==kaini's coke chicken==
*chop two boneless breasts of chicken into chunks. fry until the outside is sealed (pale but not golden) and set aside.
*chop 2 red chilis, 2 cloves of garlix, 1 green pepper and one onion roughly. break a head of broccoli into largeish chunks, discarding the stem.
*meanwhile mix one 330ml can of coca-cola (NOT DIET. the sugar is essential), two/three decent squirts of hp sauce, a decent dash of soy sauce, and a tablespoon of honey. you should be aiming for a slightly glossy consistency.
*get the oil in the wok (ideally that from the chicken) really hot! fuck in the vegetables, toss em round for a minute, then add the coke mixture and the chicken, and toss round a bit more.
*the aim is to get the sauce to caramelize on the meat and veg, which it should do pretty easily. it's very sugary, and the high heat will help. cook until the chicken is done, but no longer. i serve it with sticky thai rice.
==sinkfield's chicken carbonara==
===ingredients===
*2 slices of bacon
*2 boneless chicken breasts
*alfredo sauce ( make your own )
*1 box of your fav. pasta
*1/2 onion thinly diced
*i use a bit of garlic, but you dont have too
===method===
*heat up the onions and garlic in some oil and throw in the bacon
*cook up the bacon until ready dont throw away any of the grease
*throw the chicken in the bacon untill cooked
*cook pasta
*throw pasta and alfredo sauce on the greasy bacon & chicken
*mix well
*oh yeah you can throw an egg in there if you feel like it
*eat...serves 2 unless you make more...then it serves more
==dazzak's 7-spice pilaf==
===ingredients===
*1/3 cup chopped onions
*1 tablespoon olive oil
*1 cup long grain rice
*1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
*1/2 teaspoon paprika
*1/4 teaspoon ground coriander
*1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
*1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
*1/4 teaspoon pepper
*1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
*1 (14.5 ounces) can of vegetable broth/stock
*1/4 cup water
*1 cup chopped fresh spinach
*1/4 cup golden raisins
*1/4 cup sliced almonds
===method===
*Add oil to a medium saucepan and allow to heat.
*Add in onion; stir/saute until tender.
*Add in uncooked rice, and the next 7 ingredients.
*Cook and stir over medium heat for 5 minutes or until the rice is golden.
*Add in the vegetable broth and water.
*Bring to a boil; lower the heat, cover and simmer for 15 minutes.
*Remove pan from heat and let stand, covered, for 5 minutes or until liquid is absorbed.
*Stir in chopped spinach, raisins, and almonds; add as much salt and pepper as you like.
*Eat.
*Poop out.

==iep's five large steps existentialist houmous==
HUMMUS. here's a little recipe for HUMMUS that my great-grandfather wrote on south egyptian parchment using a male redback goose feather and his own blood. i found it laying around in the kitchen drawer this morning. it goes like this
===ingredients===
Two(2) large can of chick peas (garbanzos, not females)
One(1) jar of virgin or extra virgin olive oil (your preference)
One(1) lemon (or two or none if you don't want lemons in your hummus)
Two(2) garlic sections (the bits not the entire bulb)
OR
Two(2) teaspoons of shredded garlic (or less if you don't want too much garlic, really minimum should be one(1) clove or one(1) teaspoon)
One(1) jar of tahini (sesame butter in the same way that peanut butter is from peanuts but NOT good with jelly)
One(1) tin of cumin
===method===
*Array your ingredients on your hopefully clean counter. Admire your dedication to a recipe from a really odd friend who tends to invent shit on the fly in the kitchen. Put 911 on speeddial. Put phone on floor in case you fall down. Get out your food processor. Blenders suck for this. You want a serious cuisanart. Speaking of which, cuisanarts are awesome for all kinds of food. Even meat. I would wake up and make myself a spam milkshake every morning, if spam didn't suck. Maybe a bacon and bisquik milkshake would work. Get out your pyrex measuring cup. No, put that fucking piece of plastic shit back in the cupboard. Go sit in the corner and think about what you did. Jesus. Fucking insulting. Oh, hey, I'm sorry, ok? Come back here and I promise I won't disparage your obviously deficient kitchen implements again. Now, don't be like that. I mean well. Open the cans of chick peas. Pour the water from the cans into your PYREX measuring utensil, you'll need it later. Keep all the water. Put chick peas into your cuisanart. Yes, I do get a dollar every time I say that. Cheeky bitch. No no no, you have to assemble it first. Ok, is it plugged in? Good job. See? You aren't completely hopeless. Pour in the chick peas sans water. That means without, moron. Blend all the chick peas until they are stuck to the walls of cuisanart or aren't getting any smaller. Add 1/4 (one quarter) cup of the olive oil, 1/4 (one quarter) cup of tahini, 1/4 (one quarter) of the chick pea water. Take out your silicon scraper and- are you fucking serious? How can you not have a goddamn silicon scraper? What an assbag. Do you just order ever fucking meal you eat? Fine, take out a knife or something and scrape the chick peas of the walls of the cuisanart so they will mix in with the oil, water and tahini. No, it is TAHINI. TAHITI is an island, jackass. I fucking swear. Blend all this together. While that is blending, get out your garlic press. You have got to be shitting me. Fine, use the damn shredded garlic. Add the garlic while the blender is still whirling away. Oh jesus. No no no. If you take off the top the cuisanart will shut off. Use the top access. I swear, it's like you've never been in a kitchen before. Don't even give me that 'I'm only 9 years old' crap either. Your mother should be ashamed of herself. And you. Now cut the lemon in half and let's try to leave all of our fingers attached to our hands. Great job, loser. Now get out your juice press/strainer. What? I am going to have a goddamn coronary. Ok, ok, ok. Go get me that bottle of wine over there. And the bottle opener, yes. Open the wine. Give me the bottle. I'll be back in a minute or two. Turn off the cuisanart.
*Ok! Hey, are you ready to finish up? Good for you, nitwit! Open the cuisanart. Go get a spoon or something. Hmm, yeah, let's go ahead and add some lemon juice. Squeeze out the juice into the cuisanart but try to avoid dropping the seeds into the proto-hummus. Fuck. I said TRY TO AVOID DROPPING THE SEEDS INTO THE HUMMUS! I could smack you if it weren't illegal. Alright now that the lemons and the garlic have been added, we should add some cumin. Sprinkle the cumin on USING THE SPRINKLE OPENING until the surface of the proto-hummus is lightly dusted with cumin. Well, you actually managed not to fuck that up too much. Cover the proto-hummus and set it blending again. I am going back the porch to look for that wine. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING UNTIL I COME BACK. Yes, fine, go bandage your hand. I should make you squeeze more lemon juice on it to teach you a lesson about knives.
*Hey, great! How's the hummus look? WONDERFUL! Let's open it up and have another taste. Not bad, not bad at all. The consistency is a little thick and may annoy some store bought cobag's senshibilities but fuck him. Oh. Well, you little fucktard, if you don't want it break your pissant little sacriledgious tortilla chip, then add equal amounts of chick pea water and olive oil. HEY! HEY! HEY! I said be careful! Add another 1/4 cup of each. Hmm, you might want to add some tahini but if you do, I would recommend you also add some some some CUMIN. Yeah. No, the wine is fine. Fine wine. Fine. Wine. heh.
*Anyway, some people put pepper and sundried tomatoes or other shit like that in their hummus, but then they don't really want hummush as it is done in Lebanon, they want some bastardized shit that goes well with the fish and a light glaze or some other bullshit. IF you want, IF YOU WANT, you can just use the chick peas, tahini, oil, cumin and water. Anything other than that is just frill. How many people does this recipe serve? Fuck if I know. I am going to go back to my office and eat this shit myself.
*Put it on toast.

==kaini's how to look like a proper chef using leftover mash==

if you've cooked too much mashed potato (i always do), here's how to make a really impressive side the day after.

===ingredients===
*a decent quantity of mashed potato of some kind (my colcannon recipe works excellently)
*mixed herbs
*1 egg yolk per six scoops (see below)

===method===
*using an icecream scoop or something similar, place your mash onto tin foil in domes.
*season the domes with mixed herbs
*use enough tin foil to fold over and cover the mash.
*once it's encapsulated in tin foil, place in the freezer, at least overnight
*when you want to use it, remove from the freezer and brush the frozen mash domes with egg yolk.
*remove from the tin foil, and place on a baking tray.
*bake in an oven on gas mark 5 til browned

==kaini's ten-minute smoked salmon and rice in a cream sauce==
===salmon===
*1 medium smoked salmon, deboned and made into 1cm cubes
*1 big, mild onion, roughly chopped
*1 big, mild chili, deseeded and finely chopped
*1 big green or yellow pepper, roughly chopped
*2 big cloves of garlic, finely chopped
*a hefty handful of fresh sugar snap peas
*butter
====optional====
*i could see some finely cubed rashers being nice!
===sauce===
*330ml fresh cream
*3 or 4 nice sprigs of finely chopped fresh thyme 
*2 or 3 nice sprigs of finely chopped fresh coriander
*lots of freshly ground black pepper
*1 glass good dry white wine
*1 big lemon
*butter
===rice===
*boil-in-the-bag rice

===method===
*fry the pepper, onion, garlic and chili in butter (adding in that order) on a high heat (in a NON non-stick pan, a big heavy iron one is best) - until the onion is light gold, about two minutes.
*add the salmon and sugar snap peas, then switch to a low heat.
*cook for three minutes, stirring continuously.
*get your rice on.
*raise the heat to gas 6, and add the white wine!
*this will deglaze the pan; use a wooden spatula to scrape up all that flavoursome stuff, and stir it about on a high heat for 30 seconds.
*lower the heat to gas 1, and add the cream. mix it up good. simmer for about a minute.
*add the thyme, coriander, and pepper, and simmer for a further three minutes.
*squeeze a half a lemon over the pan - get as much juice as possible out of it

*serve with the other half of the lemon squeezed over a bed of rice.

==primal baby back ribs in a classic barbecue sauce==

:i leave the quantities as an exercise for the reader - very dependent on how many ribs.

===make a barbecue===
:dig a 2ft x 2ft x 2ft square hole
:line the sides and bottom with flat rocks
:get a good hot fire going in there for a few hours

===make delicious marinade===
:A: fry equal quantities of very finely chopped red chili, onion, garlic, and ginger in a pan, and simmer until very tender. we'll call this pan A.
:B: in a separate pan, add a good bit of brown sugar to a small amount of water and bring to the boil. we'll call this pan B
:B: add some molasses to the pan with the sugar - if you can't get molasses, use some honey and a few squirts of brown sauce instead.
:B: add a hefty fuck of soy sauce, a 50% brown vinegar/water mix, and two tablespoons of marmalade (dundee marmalade or another bitter one is better, trust me!), stir and simmer
:A: then mash the chili/onion/garlic/ginger using a masher. get it finer again using a fork if you have to. it should be mush. 
:A: add the sugar/molasses/vinegar/soy/marmalade mix (scrape the pan)
:A: simmer on very low heat for an hour, stirring and mashing with a fork occasionally. mushy is good.

:then, pass through a strainer, add the juice of one lime - and delicious marinade.

===marinade ribs===
:get a bunch of airtight (ideally ziploc) plastic bags. and put a side of ribs in each. pour in enough marinade to cover, then squeeze out as much air as you can, and seal the bag, or tie a knot in it. shake and squidge every bag - you need to get the marinade in every nook and cranny. leave the ribs to sulk for about 3 hours, until you have a big hot hole in the ground.

===cook the ribs!===
:take out of the bags and coat well in aluminium foil. throw them into the big hot hole in the ground, and leave for two hours. then fish them out using something other than your fingers OW

===other things you can use your barbecue for===
:roast a big mild onion the same way! brings out a sweetness. 
:obviously potatoes are cool with this method too
:root veg the same, but they're finicky
:doesn't work very well for peppers :(
:split a banana lengthways (skin and flesh) using a sharp knife;
::fill the cavity with nutella, wrap in foil, and roast. so good :P

==thai citrus chicken consommé==
a thai-influenced citrus chicken soup with a cheeky nod to the bloody mary:
===broth===
*500 ml chicken stock
*3 cloves garlic, VERY finely chopped
*3 stalks lemon grass, chopped
*2 green chilis, deseeded, but with the white flesh left in. VERY VERY finely diced.
*the rind of one lemon
*3 tbsp fish sauce
*the juice of two small limes
*1 nice bunch fresh coriander, chopped 
*1 nice bunch fresh basil, chopped
*several shots of vodka
*several pots
*cheesecloth/new tights/old tights if kinky
====directions====
*add the stock to a pot
*bring to a rolling boil
*add the garlic, chili, lemon grass, lime juice, and lemon rind
*simmer for 15 minutes on a low heat
*add the coriander, basil, vodka, and fish sauce
*simmer for 10 minutes on a low heat
*pour into a cheesecloth suspended over another pot and squeeze very well. get every drop out.
===the good bit===
*3 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
*fresh green beans
*fresh garden peas
*fresh sugar snap peas
*fresh spinach, roughly chopped
*diced shallots
*a nice big cast iron pan
*excellent olive oil
====directions====
*all sauteed - cook the chicken until done, then add the rest
*when done shred the chicken breasts very finely
*stick the lot under a grill for a minute - shouldn't be greasy
===bring it all together===
*stir fresh ingredients into still-simmering broth
*simmer for another 30 minutes on a very low heat
*the chicken should pretty much have turned to threads
*garnish with some heavy coconut milk, maybe even reduced a bit in a pot
*actually some chopped mint would be nice too